Hiding Doubt: Part I

Commonly, we place a mask over our raw nature underneath. It is convenient to hide the parts of ourselves of which we are most ashamed. And the raw place eventually becomes something forgotten and unfamiliar. Though there are many arenas this occurs, but a recent and important one is the area of doubt. Can I doubt God? That He exists? The He is kind? That He is powerful, ruling, close, loving, wise, infinite etc? Is He angry at me? Ambivalent? Over it? Gone? Am I allowed to be angry at Him?

These are reasonable questions from a human perspective. People deal with doubt everyday. Self-doubt, friend-doubt, job-doubt, spouse-doubt, parent-doubt, science-doubt, God-doubt, even credit-card-doubt. To us, these questions dwell in the realm of reason. They are logic based questions. And, we conclude, they must have a logical answer. There are thousands of books offering to answer these sorts of questions. But somehow these doubts persist. Taking a look underneath our intellect based expressions, we can see the root of doubt.





Beneath these questions is a relational root, that exhibits itself in the emotions. Questions like: Am I safe? Is anyone taking care of me? Does anyone really know me? Am I alone? Am I going to make it? Am I meaningless, purposeless, listless, pointless? Am I important? If I wasn't around would anyone care? It is extremely important to parse out the pieces of the doubt that are relational vs 
intellectual. Only the intellectual questions will have intellectual answers. If we are asking deeply relational questions they must have relational answers.

What does this mean then? This means our closest relationships, our families, dear friends, communities, even societies set the pace and place for our doubt to manifest, grow or be soothed. If doubt for us is based in our relationships, it can only be dealt with relationally. If doubt for us is emotional, it must be met with an emotional answer. The implication then, is 


1) that dealing with the heart rather than the head is both a meaningful and practical way to address personal doubt. 

And 

2) reflecting on our relationships and our own emotions gives realistic data and space for healing the doubt of the heart.

(see the blog post "Doubting Thomas" for a great reflection on personal doubt, from our friend's blog, "Nothing New")

Note: Look for "Hiding Doubt" Part II and III in the next few days....